Here is some food for thought that was just submitted via Saturn’s Contact Us form:

I drive a Subaru WRX 5 door so I am obviously a fan of the hatchback. And given the price of gas it’s great to see others giving up their never-really-needed-that-much-size-anyway SUVs and getting a bit more sensible.

A couple weeks ago I was coming back to Jersey from Upstate NY and spotted an Astra on Route 287 south. Wow! Nice stuff! I punched the gas to get a second look. Yeah, it had passed me in my WRX turbo. Long story short, I just picked up a brochure from a local Saturn dealer. Wow! What a disappointment. Seriously, copy like “Remember the feeling when you first got your license? Remember…” has to be a joke.

Correct me if I wrong but this vehicle looks to be targeted to a college, post-college, young professional type. This is probably their first new car, right? It seem doubtful that given their age and budget that: (1) they’ve forgotten much of anything (2) they have probably yet to really experience references such as luxury, the thrill of driving a (European?) road car, etc. I have to be honest and say I am totally confused as to who this copy addressing? The target market or their parents?

Then the colors… Not only is there no orange, yellow or something really exciting but how on God’s earth did you mange to have two colors both with silver in the name? How pathetic is that? The names themselves are pretty boring as well. You spent how much designing this car and Artic White is the best you can do? Funny enough there’s not a single image of the Astra “on snow”. And what about NEW? The cover has no reference to this being a new model. People – especially young wanna be hipsters – like new, do they not?

On the whole the message you’re trying to get across is too long winded. Much like this letter :)  Do you really think that people are going to read all that dribble on the cover? The car has great style, and you’re using all these words? What ever happened to “A picture paints a 1,000 words”? You should have went with something simple and to the point… It’s new. Truly exciting to drive. Fun to own. Saves on gas. Saturn’s industry leading warranty. Done! Now that hits all the key connection points. Why get fancy? Maybe you don’t really want to sell this car? As it is, this copy is too wordy and directed to the wrong target. You’ve got what looks to be a sharp machine that should be pretty easy to sell given it’s looks, price point and gas mileage. But you’re gonna blow it.

Oh yeah… Two more things… The Saturn site (www.Saturn.com) is pretty weak. If someone is about to drop $20k – $25k – that’s a good sum of change no matter how you cut it – then at least show them some “flesh”. Why is everything so confined to such a small area of screen space? I feel I need a telescope to really see what it is I might be wanting to buy. And what’s with all the distracting copy at the bottom of the screen? I know it’s probably required by your legal dept but that’s the best you can do? Are you selling cars or covering your ass? Two, the Astra REALLY needs some roof racks. Even if it’s an extra and/or after-market. Without an image of racks – with bikes, skis, snowboards, add on storage, etc – you’re really missing another opportunity to connect with the target market. Three, nothing on MySpace or Facebook either? What world are your marketing people living in?

Regards,
Mark Simchock
Chief Alchemist
Alchemy United
Princeton NJ

p.s. Lucky for you I haven’t even read the whole brochure :)